DAY three in Stellenbosch culminated in the Gentleman’s Tea at Lanzerac. I generally take issue with unnecessary and arbitrary gendering. Festive season gifts for him and gifts for her make me mad. Braai accessories for men and bubble bath for women – please. Certain clothing, yes, is necessarily tailored to suit different body shapes (which may or may not have anything to do with actual gender), but shoes? Why are there “ladies” All Stars? Am I a lady? Why are my feet different? Am I not permitted to wear Chucks that are designed for men? I mean, a lot of them look exactly the same.
So when I was presented with this Gentleman’s Tea and voiced my opinion, my host looked concerned as to where I might go with this story. But one must pick one’s battles, and like it or not, let’s face it: afternoon teas are for the most part – in my experience anyway – womanly, feminine pursuits, with delicate and pretty little cakes and scones and bubbly. I cannot recall ever doing one with a man. Tea cups are often decorated with flowers, and a pianist might be tinkling in the background. It is just the way it is. You want to put on a frock and a big hat. Again, nothing gender-based about that. Anyway.
The Gentleman’s Tea has been introduced as an alternative to that, served in the hotel’s Craven Lounge with all its leather and wood panelling and fireplace and sport on the TV screen. There are dozens of whiskies on the shelves and you are permitted to smoke cigars and cigarettes. And obviously, the offering is not limited to men, gentle or otherwise.
The menu is hearty and meaty and robust, nothing shy or fragile about it. It includes two whiskies, or you can order whatever else you’d like to drink. I was stuck on Pinotage from our previous stop at L’Avenir, and it was fitting so continue with that since Lanzerac was the first estate to bottle and sell it commercially. The feast begins with beef biltong, salami sticks, nuts, droëwors and those crunchy little corn things.
Next up are the Hot Bites: smoked beef medallions with béarnaise sauce, and bacon relish; salmon and crayfish sliders with Asian slaw on a charcoal bun; brisket and chive potato croquettes with tomato jam and lemon aioli; panko-crusted prawns with paprika mayo and coriander romesco; and delicious little skaapstertjies (lamb’s tails) with spiced apricot glaze, yum.
They call the next platter to arrive “Finger Sandwiches” and you’ll need all of yours to eat these steamed buns filled with BBQ pulled pork and smoked pineapple. Wraps hold tikka chicken with coriander and tomato salsa, and the Lanzerac Braai Broodjie is a chonk of a sarmie.
To finish, and honestly, if you’re still going strong, then good for you, there are dark chocolate and whisky truffles, a crisp cinnamon taco with milk tart filling, dark chocolate brownies with ganache and candied hazelnut, and my favourite of favourites in this course, the chocolate s’more cupcake. See my Instagram for more pics; I have no idea what those round things with flowers are in the above pic supplied by Lanzerac.
So yes, it’s an afternoon of “man-sized” indulgence. Are you woman enough for it?
Saturdays 2pm to 5pm, menu subject to change. For more information, click here.
